Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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