Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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