dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
