Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
