OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so much tequila, so little girl.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
