I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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