Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
