maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
