I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize