he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
