her vagine was all disorganized.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
