maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
im having a threesome with these popsicles
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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