sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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