Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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