She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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