I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
then he tried to convert me to islam
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
