tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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