i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize