I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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