Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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