I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
