never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
