he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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