There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
