where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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