She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
