the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
