I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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