you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Please, let me fuck your mom
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
