Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
