maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
