my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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