Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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