She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
