my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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