i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Randomize
