just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
