marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize