We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
