i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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