lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
