i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize