Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
