Are we in a gay sports bar?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
