My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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