Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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