Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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