This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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