I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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