life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
