Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize