i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
