Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
