he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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