I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
