It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
