Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
