You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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