My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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