I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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