The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize