pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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