Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
