out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
