You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
