i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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