I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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