I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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