Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Someone shattered a urinal.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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